A Detailed, Logical Argument Why Halloween is the Best Holiday

Candy and ghosts. What else do you need?

Halloween is the greatest holiday ever.

I don’t just say this because it’s on brand for me. I come prepared.

Why? Because it’s August and everything is hot and sticky and I already can’t wait for Halloween. MY BRAND IS MY LIFE.

But anyway:

Halloween is one of the few holidays that genuinely changes with the times.

Yes, we have Friendsgiving now. Yes, we have Galentine’s Day and birthday donations to charity. Whatever. These are all augmentations of existing holidays. Halloween has had several different incarnations and traditions through history. It’s been the holiday of pranks, parades, fortune telling parties, and now random children visit us to beg for candy. All of these are legit. All of them are true to Halloween.

Halloween can be religious — or not.

Not referring to Wicca and the Samhain tradition, but if you’re here and you’re planning to cast on the day, holla!

But actually, in this case, I’m talking about churches. Churches have long histories of composing haunted…